Battling With God

I am what you would call “churched”. I grew up knowing all the right answers and phrases. I know about God and what the Bible says about God. Knowing is one thing, experiencing is another. Somewhere in my life I encountered God. I truly experienced Him! I believe this is what made the biggest difference between my siblings and myself. We all learned the right answers but our experience with God was different. At this point in time, I am the only one of four who believes in God and has an active relationship with Him, although in some ways I would say they are more real with God than I am!

Despite this experience and a deep knowing that He is real and active in the world, I still struggle with believing what I know about God. For example, God is good all the time. People say this phrase often. We have Romans 8:28 telling us that all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose. However, I am in a season in my life where I have no idea what God is doing and I certainly don’t see how it is “good”. I know all the proper things to say including verses so I definitely know how to save my spiritual face! What I need right now is not the right words or to prove to everyone that I am spiritual but to wrestle with God about a few things!

Interestingly enough, actually physically wrestling with God has happened in the Bible. In Genesis 32, Jacob was definitely facing some uncertainty in his life. Leaving his father-in-law in less than pleasant circumstances and then going to face his brother not knowing whether his brother would want to kill him or not. That night Jacob encountered the Lord. For the longest time (and even now) I was unsure why they were fighting… all night at that! Nevertheless the Lord allowed it. Why?

Facing too many uncertainties in my life, the only thing I want is to battle with God. I would ask what Jeremiah asked “why do the wicked prosper?” It is so unfair! To try so hard to do right only to feel like there was no point. I have felt for a long time that the enemy has had more control over life circumstances than God has. While no one wants to kill me, there is certainly pain and circumstances in my life that are out of my control.

I mention control because like my inability to rely on other people, I also have the inability to rely on God. Although I would treat that in reverse. Because I do not rely God, I do not rely people. Maybe what isn’t terribly obvious is that our tendencies in real life with people is firstly our tendency with God. We can cover up our relationship with God with the right words in order to appear spiritual but how we are with other people directly correlates with our relationship with God. I can give plenty of examples in my life right now of how that works. Recently, I have been picking fights with people. Each time I thought they had majorly wronged me or that I was doing them a favour by pointing out some things! But in all honesty who I really have a quarrel with is God. That is who I really want to battle with!


Years in church has taught me to cover up any issues I had with how God does things. The reality is that I am not ok with what is happening in my life. To have a living real relationship with God doesn’t mean it is all rosy! It means that if there is one person that can handle a battle with me it is my God and Saviour! Jeremiah did battle with Him through words and questions, Jacob physically did battle with Him, and Elijah did battle by running away (which would be more my style!). God was not afraid of the battle, but met with them! Elijah was hiding in a mountain when God came to him. He didn’t come to him in some mighty force (although He certainly did show him those too!). He came in a still, small voice and asked “what are you doing here, Elijah?” This makes me laugh! Like God didn’t already know!! But I am thankful that God lets us tell Him anyway what is wrong.

What I would tell you is that battling with God is ok and He can handle it. Having a relationship with Jesus Christ means having access to God in the most personal way – including all the good, the bad and the ugly. What I would say if you recognise someone else in this is to not smooth things over for them but allow God to show them who He is.

There is usually something specific that people are battling with. Something that is only meant between them and God. When Jesus called Nathanael in John 1:48, all He said was “when you were under the fig tree, I saw you”. We have no way of knowing what happened under the fig tree but it meant something to both Jesus and Nathaniel. We do our part as the body of Christ but God is the only one who can battle with the heart.


A Time for a New Beginning?

Beginnings are fresh in my mind as I prepare to get married in less than two months! Beginning together as a married couple is a huge change for both of us. As much as we prepare for the wedding day and spending the rest of our lives together, we really have no way of knowing what is coming our way. We don’t know what trials will hit us, where we will be, or how we are going to survive in an ever changing economy. Nevertheless, uncertainty should not stop us from embarking on what could potentially be one of our greatest adventures.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 KJV

Focusing on Ecclesiastes 3 and on the concept of time, we are reminded that there is a time set out for everything we do as well as for the purpose it was intended.


We couldn’t really talk about beginnings without mentioning the first beginning. I’m talking about Genesis 1:1 “In the beginning God created…”  Out of the vastness of nothingness God created a whole universe to explore! From the beginning of the creation of mankind, our purpose was predestined. That purpose was to have a relationship with the Almighty God. In Genesis 3, we see that it was normal for God to come down and walk with Adam and Eve. There are so many times I crave to have that kind of relationship with God! Can you imagine what that must have been like? Of course, we also see in Genesis 3 the reason we are separated from God.

Being separated from God doesn’t mean He is ever far away.  While we can’t enjoy seeing Him or touching Him, we can be assured of His presence around us.

“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.”
Psalm 139:7-10 ESV

Psalm 139 is our reassurance of His presence from the very beginning of our life when He formed us (verses 13-14) to the present where He continues to work in our lives. Not only did He create us individually but He also had a purpose for each of us individually. This is why we will never be like anyone else despite our best efforts! And it also explains why it is so exhausting trying to “fit in”.

To become more like Christ and to enjoy being in His presence should be the ultimate purpose in our journey. A willing heart is the most important part of our relationship with God. It is important because God will ask for some very difficult things from us which will require a heart in full obedience to Him.  In these difficult (and often crazy!) times, we can be assured that the end is for a greater purpose than we can ever imagine.

Christ, as our anchor, provides safety and assurance that we will never be swept away in the storms that constantly come our way!

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.”
Isaiah 43:1b-3a ESV